fuck me.

no serious, its good. hahaha. well in this last week summer has down right dropped its hot ass on the gold coast. see the gold coast only has two seasons. winter and summer.  no spring. no autumn. just hot and cold. and the last week has been fucking hot. all of a sudden the days are 2-3 hours longer, the sun is beaming, and sun burn is back on the cards. on shores have the coast in a haze at night, with salt floating about.

not that im complaining. this weather means no shirts during the day, and just from the weekend ive worked up a pathetic little tan line. and with hot nights im more inclined to stay home and knock back a few coldies instyead of hitting the town. and summer the gold coast vibe is kicking. did i mention girls in bikinis?!?! FUCK YEH

had a very big weekend just gone. went for a surf thursday arvo, and kept it generally quiet that night. the next day i went and saw minzy, hung out and went to watch the 40 year old virgin (most awkward movie ever. funny as fuck, but awkward). went and picked up ruebs after checking out snow board prices, and went for another surf. hit the town that night after watching gyroscope play at the cooly hotel. saturday involved picking paul up from southport (went home with a girl and he.... watched a movie with her....) and heading out for another surf. saturday night was hectic.

went to gilhooleys with eddie and ruebs for eddies work party. left there to hit beergarden up for a while (with jugs of vodka and something). i had already downed a six pack of jimmy so when we stood up to leave we were pretty well smashed. went back to the party, where eddie got into a fight (note - eddie will fight anyone), so we bailed and drunk more and more.

im hazy on details, but i remember kicking glass bottles onto the highway, girls giving us stuff, almost being hit by about 7 cars, a priest with a megaphone, some girl who wanted me to walk her back to her house (like 10km away - fade!). saw a couple of bands playing. and being disallowed into clubs cause we were so wrecked they thought we were gonna die on them.

so after about 2-3hours sleep sunday morning, we all - gasp - went for a surf again. now i had to work that night, and try as i might, i could not get it off. suffice to say worked licked total balls, and i slept possibly the best sleep ive ever had on monday.

somewhere in the mix i went and saw serenity with monkree. one fucked up movie. the chick is hot (in a weird kill you kinda way) and it has corny jokes. but the best bit by far, the the copious amounts of people dying cause they were just to grilled to live.

fuck yeh, my kinda movie.

later fuckers..

oh, the world is a fucked up place. in the last three months ive become albino - and i mean fucking white. there is no tan lines. there is no border now between my white arse and my back. ive also dropped back down to my high school weight. my body is screaming "get back into the fucking gym nerd!". ive also not had a haircut since about june, so now the poodle fro is in full swing.

but heres the fucked up part - ive got my mojo back. fucked if i know how cause i probably look like one of those diseased cats hunting for rubbish in back alleys. but meh, the bizzo is gagging for it.

in other news, i washed my jeans today. i hope they dont lose their vibe. ive always stuck by oska's rules: you should never wash your jeans or hair...  alas, it was probably a good idea. some little fucker ant just bit me...

ants taste weird.

got a few big weeks coming up. matta and mins 21st. mins going to the races during the day, then going to mattas at night. gonna be fucked. apparently im in for a big night this saturday night (and ill be fighting to maintain my recent girls per week average).

and now i hear my stomach rumbling, so im off to feed my skinny white ass.

later fuckers..

 I LIKE

Cleaning my teeth. Riding trains at night. Being on time. Girls. Girls with pretty eyes. Rainy days. Snuggling up to girls with pretty eyes on rainy days. Not tying my shoes. Chewing my nails. Big couches. Falling asleep to loud music. Jim beam long black stubbies. Singing along to songs (even though I cant sing). To pretend im mature. Having a cuppa after my vegemite toast. My dog. Dunlop volleys. Old jeans. Not wearing underwear. Wearing bonds if underwear is necessary. It when EEG setups are done in silence. Scrubs. My giant blue mug. Scratchy towels. It when girls smile. It when my mates ell me we have someone else's party to crash. watching sport. eating seedy kebabs at 3am.

I THINK

Pizza tastes better delivered. Lord Tennyson said it best. Huey should have a crystal meth  addiction. Waves are a natural interaction with the earth. Girls should think scientists are hot. Cavemen had style. Hair growing from the neck down should be illegal. High school should never end. My epitaph wont fit on my tombstone. Shannyn sossamon is one sexy mother fucker. Putting saline in the fridge before in your veins is funny. Metros are just homosexuals without dedication. Geologists are down to earth. Mortality is stupid. My 8^th grade art teacher was wrong. Gongle is a funny word. Antidisestablishmentarianism should have an abbreviation. Transformers are cool. Medications are over rated. I should have read the medicinal warnings on the last two bottles.

I NEED

More scars. A tattoo. To travel around Australia. To feel alive. To stop giggling (and chortle like a man). A physiotherapist. A gym membership. A superpower. A big fourby. Donations and life sponsorships from old rich doods who have too much money. My own island. A happy future. To live forever. Aliens to invade. A bicycle. To wash my hair. A leather jacket. Chocolate milkshakes.

I HAVE

5 pairs of jeans. Three pairs of volleys. My dog. The coolest mates ever. A phone I wish I didn’t have to use. A pathetic bank account. A nice desk. A growing DVD collection. Been told im the perfect rebound guy. Too much sunshine in my bedroom. No arse. Holes in all my socks. No idea where Scandinavia is. A current hatred of light. No shoes on. A backwards perception. Resevoir Dogs, Battle Royale and Transformers dvds in my bag. Just watched Transporter 2.

I AM

A stupid horny poodle. Jack’s wasted destiny. My dog’s master. A delinquent with a profession. 20 going on 20. In debt. Possibly wrong. Sticking to my guns. Hungry. Currently bleeding in three different places. Tired. Wondering why ipods don’t have a bass boost button like my discman. Smitten. In a sleeping bag. Quite horny. An alcoholic. Opinionated. Watching OzAerobics. Naked. Hallucinating from 49 hours of being awake. trying to listen.

just so every one knows, i couldnt, cant, wont, and will not be fucked. not in the sense of sexually acheiving one motherfucker of a most welcome orgasm, more in the sense that i have a virus, and my body has had it.

i hate being sick. i am always healthy. never been to hospital (save when i was a toddler and had burns shoulder to torso). fuck i played football for near on 13 years, and everytime the ambulance officers told me i needed to go to hospital after/during a game i never went (i should start a club called injuries anonymous).

i suppose its different. pain can be dealt with. but being this sick is just fucked up. i reckon i could fill a two litre empty carton of milk with the flem and blood ive coughed up within the last 24hrs. last night, i was getting out of bed when the phone rang, collapsed and came to with dried blood around my nose about 14hrs later (when the cleaner arrived). id go get something to eat but i dont have the energy to walk to the kitchen. ive watched basic instinct, incubus live at red rocks, azumi and fight club back to back today cause all i have to do is keep my eyes open.

it sucks balls.

to top it off, this is keeping me from catching up with the pretty little ditty i met last saturday night. beautiful brown eyes and likes to cuddle (oh yeh). i should get her to nurse me back to fine poodle form but im scared im gonna pass this shit around.

now that ive finished bitching, heres some good news. the boys and i are looking good for an apartment in kirra. those not from the coast, kirra is almost new south wales, but still queensland. kirra is world known for its beaches, and more importantly its waves. the cooly hotel is down the road (live bands every week) and rent is cheap. fuck yeh. thats me, bandit, rueben and paul livin it up.

just had a coughing fit until i got cramps in my abs. stoked.

i just remembered something (the dull ache has reminded me). verytime i am this sick, my right anterior deltoid hurts. im guessing its a virus sign, or i pull too much when im sick.

im off to watch toxic avenger 3.

later fuckers

well the family has left for their annual family trip. they are going to fiji. something ironic about it being a family trip.....

ah well. they left 5 minutes ago and im already arse naked. ah freedom.

have been the busiest bee in the fucking hive, hence no post for a while. the day i wasnt working i had a belly full of beer and was in no state for understandable communication. i surprised myself. one stint, i worked nighters for 10 shifts straight, stayed up all day, and went and got thoroughly pissed that night. took a girl back to where she was staying, and she fucking passed out on the couch. thought about it. but didnt. didnt sleep at all that night, being the crazed insomniac i am these days (well nights really...). went for a surf in the morning. chilled out at ruebens place before surfing that arvo. got pissed again in surfers. saw old mate out who was keen but, you guessed it, got too drunk and cant remember. was a good thing thoughs, cause i passed out and had a good three hours sleep before going for a surf again. had ruebens sisters wedding that day, so we both rocked up in our killer suits(made complete with converse all stars poking out the bottom of our pants.). was a kick arse wedding, got fucking pissed and danced with ruebens relatives. old relatives. rueb couldnt decide to laugh or be sick. got all his bros together and we headed out on the town again, for what was a monstrosity of a night. not after stealing shit from the clubhouse we were at. the next day i slept the whole day and woke up with eddie drawing on a dick on my face with permanent marker. that was last weekend i think, although it could have been the one before.   brains a bit scattered. ruebs and i agreed to take it easy for a while, except now matta and i have discovered a new jim beam stubbie, that tastes like the fucking perfect mix. jim beam long black. fucking THE SHIT.

so for all you fuckers out there, i belive mr courtez is having a bonfire next saturday night, so i put forward the idea of a pre-bonfire-barbeque-piss-up-at-jonnos-because-his-pez-are-away-night. let us now. minzy darl, you living up here yet, or is jonno gonna have to steal another car and come save ya?

girls should be horny like guys.

later fuckers.